*All true stories brought to you by person who needs laughter (and ice cream) to extinguish the fiery pain.
How to be THE freak show at a Physical Therapy consultation/session:
1) Tell them your body is basically broke for no specific reason: muscle spasm in neck/shoulder, scoliosis, lingering acute carpal tunnel syndrome and plantar fasciitis, and had two babies “oh, but your kids are old enough to be at school during the day, right?”
2) Tell them you are a stay at home mom AND you homeschool so, “Ermagad, you are with your kids 24/7! Wow, thats amazing! So much respect! Continuing to talk in loud voice to maintain level of enthusiasm from first exclamation! Haha, you’re laugh/crying!”
3) Accidentally wear the stupid, holey, sweatpants (or “joggers” as the cool kids say) wth a tear (small) over the right side of your bum (plus contrast underpants!) that you continue to wear because you are cheap and try to strategically keep covered with oversized tops. Trick fail when you have to display broken body problems for assessment in sports bra.
Oh, theres so much more, but I don’t know if you can handle the “but your body isn’t normal” story. Thank you, PT!
Whats that? You want to know know about the rest of my day?
Car would not start in the morning because Roenne left her seat light on and battery was dead, had to get uber (may explain high blood pressure reading).
John did not understand text message requesting pick up from appointment because: curse of autocorrect. 2nd uber.
Discovery: John forgot to feed kids lunch! Uh oh, gonna be late for play date at Exploritorium.
Had to walk a mile (round trip) to ATM to pay for parking, because the ATM in museum was broken.
Did I mention I took the kids to the most popular childrens museum in SF during summer?
When better to run away from home and have ice cream for dinner, I ask you? And then go shopping for new sweatpants so as not to shame yourself in your multiple follow up PT appointments?
Moral of the story: If in doubt, follow your prehistoric instincts to survive and look good.